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sooo... is this it?

ok so.. i know alot of people have not heard from me for awhile, and i think noone will probably read this..

but here it goes.


i had a baby... wonderful baby boy.. ash.

got married.


this is the part i have to come to terms with.

my marriage is falling apart.

so my husband is bi-polar, alcoholic, and very much a cumpulsive liar



in no means this is not a bash on him, jus a flowing of fucking words from my mouth that i have needed to speak and have not been able to for over a year.


i feel like the smallest piece of shit.

ok so this is how it is. i have had to move. me and my brothers and sister have gotten a house in hiddenite so we could all save money fr a year.. maybe i can go back to school.. u know??? just to make things a little easier. well my husband has hit me, made me feel like im not even a woman, disrespects me, makes me feel so small, i cant deal with it, hes is bi- polar and i cant deal with 4 personalities, let alone a baby, and a house to take care of.. and myself.. .

i am more than just a woman, i am a strong woman and i will not deal with it, shawn has died and i sit here and think of how all my friends growing up treated me better then this, so why would the person i am married to be like " this is mine and this is yours"??? he hides drinking be hind my back, doesnt come home till 1:30 and i find a bar card in his fucking wallet. and find out a "lady boss" asked him for a drink but he declined and then got some vikatins from the guy he took home the night before and got lost thats why he didnt come home till 1:30. but he also gave him 7 dollars for gas for taking him home.. and pills?? and this is all after just one week of working at fucking red lobster.!!!!

ok this is my plan...

i have a drs appointment at the health dept tomorrow for BC. and then i am looking for a job... and getting my own bank account, since he went and got his own. and then i am leaving his ass.


btw... yeah my brother has already beaten his ass once... becuase he didnt want to watch ash, while i cleaned a house with my sister , just to make sure he had gas money for the week.

so my 21st birthday is thursday,... i am trying to get up with either chris or pteque.


and friday.... im going out with my sister and her girlfriend..




sorry everyone. i have had noone to talk to and im kinda high.


<#333333333333

i just want someone to love me for me, and my son.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
kharmanova
Apr. 28th, 2009 07:12 am (UTC)
you just added me but i read this entry and i will say that i'm proud of you for making the conscious decision to leave someone that's abusive to you and having the possibility of being abusive to your child in the future. it is not easy by no means and i hope you've successfully done so.. if you ever wanna chat just let me know. *hug*
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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