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sooo... is this it?

ok so.. i know alot of people have not heard from me for awhile, and i think noone will probably read this..

but here it goes.


i had a baby... wonderful baby boy.. ash.

got married.


this is the part i have to come to terms with.

my marriage is falling apart.

so my husband is bi-polar, alcoholic, and very much a cumpulsive liar



in no means this is not a bash on him, jus a flowing of fucking words from my mouth that i have needed to speak and have not been able to for over a year.


i feel like the smallest piece of shit.

ok so this is how it is. i have had to move. me and my brothers and sister have gotten a house in hiddenite so we could all save money fr a year.. maybe i can go back to school.. u know??? just to make things a little easier. well my husband has hit me, made me feel like im not even a woman, disrespects me, makes me feel so small, i cant deal with it, hes is bi- polar and i cant deal with 4 personalities, let alone a baby, and a house to take care of.. and myself.. .

i am more than just a woman, i am a strong woman and i will not deal with it, shawn has died and i sit here and think of how all my friends growing up treated me better then this, so why would the person i am married to be like " this is mine and this is yours"??? he hides drinking be hind my back, doesnt come home till 1:30 and i find a bar card in his fucking wallet. and find out a "lady boss" asked him for a drink but he declined and then got some vikatins from the guy he took home the night before and got lost thats why he didnt come home till 1:30. but he also gave him 7 dollars for gas for taking him home.. and pills?? and this is all after just one week of working at fucking red lobster.!!!!

ok this is my plan...

i have a drs appointment at the health dept tomorrow for BC. and then i am looking for a job... and getting my own bank account, since he went and got his own. and then i am leaving his ass.


btw... yeah my brother has already beaten his ass once... becuase he didnt want to watch ash, while i cleaned a house with my sister , just to make sure he had gas money for the week.

so my 21st birthday is thursday,... i am trying to get up with either chris or pteque.


and friday.... im going out with my sister and her girlfriend..




sorry everyone. i have had noone to talk to and im kinda high.


<#333333333333

i just want someone to love me for me, and my son.

so yeah

ok i havne not been on here in ages...

alot alot has been going on.

im married.

im 4 months pregnant.

my husband is the most wonderful thing in the world to me.



everything is nice.. i got my own house,

my wonderful friend val and her baby annabelle is coming to live with me.


im excited.


be happy for me.;


i miss everyone.

soooo.....

sooo... sooooo much,.'




yes... i live in raleigh. i never get online. i am a cake decorator.



money sucks but i am happy..

i couldnt ask for m9ore...i am happy.


and drunk over the henshaws...


oh yes very drunk..

i love you wibah..


its lightening.


peace

Friends Only!



I have made this journal FRIENDS ONLY.. if you can guess why.. then there is no reason to ask... people just piss me off and i want to know who reads my shit... so leave a comment and i will add you if i feel necessary!!!

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